“How many lives do we live? How many times do we die? They say we all lose 21 grams… at the exact moment of our death. Everyone. And how much fits into 21 grams? How much is lost? When do we lose 21 grams? How much goes with them? How much is gained? How much is gained? Twenty-one grams. The weight of a stack of five nickels. The weight of a hummingbird. A chocolate bar. How much did 21 grams weigh?”
I did, I did dance to NGHYB once…and to”silly 90’s R&B”. I never intended to though, I thought I didn’t know how to, I never knew how to change myself from being a rock to being a silhouette that can bend at any angle, impossible angles. I was once told this: “You don’t walk, you know, you glide.” I did ask her what it meant but she only widened her eyes and said, “You look like you float when you walk.” Back then, I had casually laughed at the remark and the explaination that followed because I didn’t know how to take a compliment well (and I still don’t). My cynicism doesn’t allow me to do that and hence, instead of toning it down, I manage to find smth else to talk about. Mhmn, the “she” is away now but the remark never died. A year later, after she went away, I found myself to be different. I noticed how I had started walking…measured steps, calm, poised without an effort,not smth I was proud of but smth that took me by surprise but simultaneously, I felt heavy and empty, “a twist in my stomach” is how I had described it back then. It eased a little while later ( it hadn’t, now that I think of it), so during the “ignorance is bliss” period, I found myself happy on a day in July where I danced.
Finally, it was time when I “danced in my living room”. NGHYB started playing, I smiled a bit, stopped doing whatever I was. It felt silly, very silly but I moved as swiftly as I could. The voice guiding me to every step. The voice was the one thing I had become fond of.
The voice is drowning and coming to the surface.
I want NGBYB.
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